When should I play the L card? What’s the right time to say I love you?
Is there ever a right time? What if I say it and she doesn’t? Should I say it first or wait forher to say it? What if it gets awkward between us after I say those three most POWERFUL words in the universe?
If you’re grappling with these questions presently, then congratulations, you’re past the casual fling stage and entering a stage in your relationship where you’re starting to get serious with your partner. The timing has to be spot on, the atmosphere, the setting, has to be memorable. It doesn’t need to be a seven star hotel when you lay your heart open, it could even be your living room (make sure it’s clean) with a lit candle on the coffee table. And, of course, flowers. So how do you figure when is the RIGHT time to tell her you love her?
Get your reasons right
Saying I love you to someone is a beautiful thing, so make sure it’s not said for the wrong reasons. It is not to be thrown around casually. Maybe you’re insecure in the relationship and you feel these words will reel your partner in and make them feel guilty enough into staying with you. Or, your girlfriend is too shy to jump into the sack with you and the L word, you think, is your trump card into sealing the deal. No. Make sure your intentions are good, your heart, pure, and what you feel for this person, a hundred percent true.
Test the waters
You’ve been on quite a few romantic dates. You’ve kissed each other passionately, and held hands, whispered sweet nothings in each other’s ears. You know you like her, a lot, and she likes you back. It’s in the way you try to touch each other, the way her pupils dilate when she looks at you, the way she smiles at you. You love spending time with her, and when you aren’t around her, you find yourself invariably reaching for the phone to talk to her or text her. But wait for a little longer before you lay the L card. Get to know her feelings well. Find out if she really feels about you the way you feel about her. Whether, she too, sees this relationship going somewhere. Don’t say it too soon because it might overwhelm her and she might bolt. But don’t hold it back for too long either, or else she might go looking for love elsewhere.
Don’t say it under influence
OK, so you’ve been thinking of saying it, you just haven’t had the courage yet. However, you’ve made up your mind to do it one of these days – whatever happens, happens. But DO NOT use alcohol as a crutch to help you speak what’s in your heart. Of course, alcohol will relax you and you might feel you can pretty much do anything. But if you want to be taken seriously by your girlfriend, if you want to say the words, I love you, exactly the way you planned to say them, and if you want to remember the special moment for all the right reasons (not throwing up and making a scene), stay away from alcohol. Nothing like slurring the most important words you’ll ever say and drooling for added effect.
Go with your gut
Mostly it’s just that strong intense feeling in your gut that says what you’re about to do is the right thing, much like knowing when to lean in for that first kiss. You can just feel it coursing through your veins, a sort of an uneasy sensation that rises up to your throat and you feel if you don’t share it with your girlfriend, you might die. Mildly melodramatic, but it is true. Listen to your gut very carefully because that little bugger is right most of the times.
Once you feel you’re ready to say the magical words, just take her hands in yours, look deep into her eyes, and tell her what’s in your heart. Tell her you love her and that you can’t believe how incredibly happy she makes you; that when she’s around, you feel like a different man, a better man, the luckiest man alive; that you can spend the rest of your life in her sweet embrace.
Here are 5 ways to deviate from the usual clichéd dates
1. Make it personal:
It’s time to try and remember every conversation that you had. Recollect what she likes, what she hasn’t done in a while or has always wanted to try. Base a date revolved around these things and she’ll thoroughly enjoy it as well as you for coming up with it. If she likes flowers, take her to a flower show. A few hours anywhere she likes is not going to kill you
Why be confined to four walls when you can enjoy a sensual experience together by getting out there in the sun and wind and even rain. A lovely picnic or a nice summer’s drive with the windows down can be exhilarating. Just be sure of giving her a hint before hand which elements to encounter. She wouldn’t dare step down in her favorite stilettos if a picnic spot you’ve chosen takes a 20 minute trek to get there!
3. Make it cultural:
Go attend plays, a book reading, or pay a visit to the museum. They’re interesting, they’re classy and you’ll have a lot to talk about once you head back home and start talking to each other on the phone. Going for a movie like Jodha Akbar is not cultural!!
4. Make it active:
Chatting over coffee, over a romantic meal or on the park bench is great but not on the first few dates where you keep tripping over the ‘umms’ and ‘ahhs’ every once in 5 seconds. The best way to know each other is by doing something that’s actively fun like playing a sport together. That way you’ll have lots to share without the awkward pauses.
5. Make it your own:
Most guys go on dates with suggestions on what to do and not to by their guy pals rather than coming up with their own idea which makes them feel comfortable. Plan a date that reflects who you are and what you generally enjoy doing. It’s for you to enjoy and not pretend to be enjoying it with 10 dating pointers running at the back of your mind.